


Careful

by ilien



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Power Imbalance, Secret Relationship, mention of a breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3112553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilien/pseuds/ilien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short study of Nick/Renard relationship when it’s secret and still new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Careful

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trobadora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trobadora/gifts).



> I’m pretty sure Nick isn’t usually the type to get paralyzed with insecurity, but I bet Renard has that effect on people.
> 
> Written for Trobadora's Fandom Stocking.

It’s always Renard who invites Nick to his apartment, or stops by the tiny house Nick got after Juliette left. Somehow, the Captain always knows the exact night when Nick’s friends aren't going to show up uninvited, and he can always foresee that the crisis of the week won’t strike this particular night. Nick has no idea how he does that, but he always calculates exactly the two nights a week they can get away with. It’s not due to any kind of telepathy, though, because he’s never aware of Nick’s own plans for the night—plans that Nick is, of course, eager to abandon when Renard calls; that’s not too high a price for having Sean all to himself for a couple of hours. 

Sean is passionate, experienced, and surprisingly gentle. He can take Nick apart in thirty seconds or less, and he’s probably aware of that, but he always takes his time, never rushing, never pushing, always making sure they’re on the same page. 

When they’re at Sean’s, Renard always insists Nick stays for the night, but Nick always wakes up to an empty bed. In his own house Nick always goes to sleep alone: Sean usually stays afterwards to have a late night coffee and to talk (about work, their mothers, Truble, Juliette, but never about what’s just happened), and never spends the night. With anyone else, that would have made Nick distrust his lover to the point of breaking it up before someone gets hurt. Now, he doesn't even care about getting hurt, as long as he gets to have this.

In daylight, Nick hopes it doesn't show that his knees get weak each time Sean looks at him like—each time Sean looks at him, period. He hopes no one notices how he stutters at the sound of Sean’s voice, and probably no one does, mostly because he’s pretty sure he was head over heels way before anything happened between them, so nothing really changed when it did. He hopes he doesn't slip and make some stupid mistake that will destroy them both, like call Sean by his first name in public, or grab his hand when he really shouldn't; neither of them is ready to give up this job. Probably neither of them ever will be. 

Sean’s self-discipline, however, it much more sophisticated. He can afford a personal smile right in the bullpen, and no one except Nick will notice. He can give Nick a pat on the back in the middle of a crime scene, and no one will think twice that it lasted a second too long and was much more of a caress than it should have been. He can say “Please, be careful” as if there’s just the two of them in the room – and no one else will notice how intimate that was. Nick craves those little moments, cherishes each one of them. Sometimes he thinks that lately he’s been living just for those moments. Other times, he believes he’s the only one who notices them simply because Sean really doesn't mean it that way.

***

If one listens close enough and remembers every little detail (and where Nick is concerned, Sean’s memory can do wonders), one can know quite a lot about the person of interest and his associates. Sean knows that Monroe and Rosalee work late each Thursday and have to wake up early each Friday, so unless there’s trouble, they won’t bother Nick on a Thursday night. He knows Hank sets his dates with then-current girlfriend randomly, but pretty often tends to have a date on Friday or Thursday. He also knows how to keep Nick’s partner busy on a Thursday night if he doesn't have a date, and doesn't feel even remotely as guilty as he should for pulling ranks on Hank to get an extra night with Nick. All of that, combined with the fact that Bud’s spouse never has night shifts on Thursdays, makes Thursday a perfect night to stop by Nick’s. 

Sean actively tries to stick to one day a week. Once per week has to be enough, no matter how badly he craves Nick’s company every second of every day; he’s a grown up man, for God’s sake, he can wait six days if it makes him look a little less desperate. It’s just that this week Bud’s spouse has her book club moved to Thursday, so there’s a chance Bud will stay late at Nick’s with beer and chatter, and in the meantime, everyone’s schedule looks fine this Monday. So what if Bud doesn't show up on Thursday, and they Sean gets a chance to see Nick again? And the next Tuesday they just end up at Sean’s apartment because they honestly stopped for a coffee after they’d finished the case in the neighborhood. And then he called Nick on a Sunday and noticed that Nick was lonely and upset. And then... Sean is still trying to stick to once a week; he knows he’s enough of a stalker already. He’s desperately failing to give Nick space the man needs. He makes a rule of never staying at Nick's longer than he’s welcome, but because of that he always seems to find a way to invite Nick to his own apartment and tell himself that if Nick stays the night, it’s because he really wants to. 

What makes matters worse is that Nick never initiates anything. He’s always there when Sean calls, always on board with everything Sean offers, but he never calls Sean first, other than over a case. He never stops by uninvited, and barely even looks at Sean when they aren't alone. Sean hasn't been a teenager for longer than he’s eager to admit, but right now this guessing, “does he – doesn't he”, feels like his worst teenage days. He knows Nick well enough to admit that Nick wouldn't have let Sean anywhere close had he been unhappy with the state of things. Nick’s a Grimm, and he never showed any blind obedience even when he wasn't, so he wouldn't tolerate this out of misplaced loyalty, would he? He wouldn't do this just for no-strings-attached fun, either, because this? This is as far from no-strings as it can get, this can go to hell any moment if one of them makes a single wrong step; Nick is smart enough to understand that. All Sean can do now is believe in Nick’s judgment, and move slowly, making sure Nick knows he can say “no” every step of the way.

Meanwhile, Nick is so-damn-careful with wrong steps that it drives Sean up the wall; at times, Nick is so calm and professional it makes Sean doubt it was the same man in bed with him last Thursday. He’s spent decades mastering his composure, but, just to assure himself it’s all been real, he can’t help stealing an extra minute of Nick’s company in the middle of a case, or a touch to see Nick blush ever so slightly, or a smile just to see Nick smile back. 

No more can Sean help a desperate “Be careful”, because although he knows he can’t keep Nick from doing what Nick thinks has to be done, no matter how dangerously reckless the detective’s new brilliant crime-fighting plan is, Sean can’t bear the thought of losing him. He desperately hopes Nick hears what he actually means each time he says “Be careful”.


End file.
